Second Thoughts

I am starting to get anxious about the sabbatical I am taking this summer. Primarily my anxiety stems from a fear that I will waste the opportunity and not reach my goals, or perhaps worse, that I will do all the stuff I am planning and come out of it not any more refreshed or renewed. I realize that this fear shows a lack of faith, since I tell my congregation often that the opposite of faith is fear! But I never claim to have the Christian life down pat, nor do I have all the answers. And I realize that the spiritual journey is not a "tip-toe through the tulips" kind of thing.

At the same time, I am having second thoughts about taking the sabbatical at all. To be honest, the two things are related, because I know in the past when I come "home" from a retreat that I FEEL closer to God… for a few days. But then I slip right back into my busy life and I lose that sense of closeness. So in a sense, I fear coming back from the sabbatical and people say they see no difference in me at all, or worse, I see no difference in myself. Better to not go, right? At least then I can fall back on my "exhaustion" as an excuse for my ineffectiveness as a pastor and my lack of spiritual depth as a person.

But don't worry! I am going to take the sabbatical, and I am going to try and strike a balance between work (reading, thinking, writing), play (fishing, baseball, golf, outings), and rest. And I truly hope that I will come out of it with a deeper commitment to Sabbath as a spiritual discipline.

What an awesome opportunity I am being given! In some respects I think "It's about time! I've been pouring myself out for 28+ years, so I DESERVE a sabbatical!" In other respects I know I DON'T deserve this and it is truly, in fact, a gift of grace (unmerited favor) both from my congregation and, ultimately, from God. Which only adds to my anxiety about wasting it! But I will boldly go into it with hope and trust and try to withhold evaluation until it is over, and even then to throw in a bucket-full of grace.

Carpe diem!

Politics is a poison for me

Politics is a poison for me.

When I get "into" political issues I easily fall "out of" grace; in other words, I lose track of the grace of God and become judgmental and narrow-minded. Of course I justify that by saying/thinking that I am "right" so it's ok! The problem is that I really don't like what happens to my spirit when I get into that mode.

What is it about politics? One of the two "no-no's" of polite discourse, I can discuss religion without getting "holier than thou," but not politics. Why is that? Hmmmmm… something to ponder.

I left the Democrat Party because I could no longer stomach the two-faced, hypocritical stances it took. I did not join the Republican Party because I observed its hypocrisy too. So I'm an independent; a conservative independent. And while I find myself aligning most frequently with the Republicans, I do not want to be boxed in by any particular political party. I fancy myself as one who's politics are determined by his relationship with Jesus. But that's a hard sell.

Especially to my more liberal friends; they think I'm a sell-out to Rush Limbaugh. They cannot imagine a follower of Jesus being against something as momandapplepieish as universal health insurance. But then, they couldn't understand why I was not hypnotized by Obama-charm. But to my more conservative friends, I'm too squeamish (not the "kill a commie for Christ" type).

I reserve the right to be considered wrong by both sides of the aisle.

And that's ok with me. But I need to watch myself, that I don't get too carried away by political poison. Christ didn't die for the world so that I could dismiss those with whom I disagree. Love is bigger than opinion. Eating the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil is a fundamental human predicament, and I've eaten more than my share.

At Valyermo

As I ponder my up-coming sabbatical (renewal leave) this summer, I'm struck by the elusiveness of a firm plan. While I have sketched some aspects of what I want to "do," there is so much in the way of vagueness that I cannot be sure that my plans are realistic, let alone realizable. My temptation, of course, is to plan too much; which is why I need this sabbatical in the first place!

My life tends to be busy, far too busy to be healthful. I fill up my days with stuff whether or not the stuff is useful or needful. I pour out myself exhaustively for the church, for people, for "God and Country", so much so that I have little energy left to simply "be" in the presence of God. And yet it is in the "being" that I am of any help or usefulness in the "doing" of ministry/life/vocation.

I fear that the three months will go by much too quickly, which they undoubtedly will. So I want to make the most of them. I can't wait for the sabbatical to begin, and yet I fear it will be over too soon and I will be no better off.

So, at least preliminarily, here is what I want to do during my sabbatical leave, June – August, 2010.

1. First, and foremost, rest, restore, renew, reconnect and refresh. To restore an intimate relationship with the Father/Son/Holy Spirit and to refresh my calling (vocation).
   
2. (Re)establish a discipline/rhythm of prayer, study, exercise, play and work.
   
   1. Prayer: practice prayerful living daily (at least one hour), monthly (at least one day), quarterly (at least one weekend), annually (at least one week).
      
   2. Study: engage an in-depth study through reading books, listening to sermons/lectures, attending some workshops/seminars. I want to focus on one major "spiritual" topic, one minor "spiritual" topic, and one "ordinary" topic (not related to ministry directly).
      
   3. Exercise: practice the physical discipline of walking, playing golf (which is walking and hitting a ball) and hiking (which is walking in a beautiful location!).
      
   4. Play: go fishing with family and friends, play golf, attend baseball games, play board games, develop a hobby (NOT on the computer, like out in the workshop).
      
   5. Work: Notice this is last. Not that it is least important, but it is the thing that I have focused on way too much. So I want to develop a healthy disciplined work ethic as a pastor.
      
3. I want to blog through my sabbatical, not to educate or inspire others, but to discipline myself to intentionally reflect on my journey and, thus, deepen it. If others find things to learn or be inspired, so be it! But if not, it isn't my purpose.
   

 

Further thoughts to come.

Happy New Year!

As the new year begins, we hear quite often the hope expressed that "this year will be better than last year." That kind of hope wells up inside of us as the calendar year turns over, but I'm wondering why we only think in these terms based on the calendar? Wouldn't it be better to keep this kind of hope daily? "I hope that today will be better than yesterday."

I suppose that we do carry this daily hope, albeit not so overtly. Without it we would despair. However as this new year begins, let me suggest going a step further.

If we are to grow as followers of Jesus, we need to assess our spiritual growth daily. Charting that growth through journaling will enable us to see the progress we are making in the spiritual life. And if we can see how God is "growing us up into Christ" (Eph. 4:15-16) that will feed our hope that today (this month, this year, etc.) will be better than the last.

Health Care Debate

Health care reform is a hot topic right now. Everyone seems to have an opinion and I am no different. I am against government-run health care because everything I have ever seen the government run has been far less efficient than privately-run equivalents, with the exceptions of the military (NOT the VA health care) and the IRS bill-collection department (those guys are amazing!). I don't like to use the clichés of the Post Office and the DMV because it isn't fair to over-emphasize the obvious. So let me just mention the city building department and the California State Legislature. 'Nuf said.

As a pastor, I have known many people through the years who belong to Kaiser. I have found that there are basically two kinds of Kaiser members: (1) Those who love it and think it is the best thing since Dr. Kildare, and (2) those who hate it and think it is the worst thing since the DMV (oops, sorry, I said I wouldn't use that). The lesson? That anecdotal stories are not very helpful in determining the best way to go for health care. Kaiser is a private HMO (depending on which of the two categories above into which you fit, that stands for Health Maintenance Organization or Health Mutilation Organization), and no matter what kind of "reform" in health care we get, I suspect it will look a lot more like an HMO than not. Keep that in mind.

Much of the discussion over health care reform has centered on how other countries handle their health care. It has been said over and over again that America has one of the worst health care systems, and of the developed countries we are the only one without a universal health care system. Again, anecdotal stories of hell or nirvana are not helpful. The only thing that is helpful are facts measured broadly, and even those are suspect. Take statistics, for instance. Much is said about the life expectancy of Americans compared with citizens of countries where health care is universally available (and "affordable" but that is another discussion). The problem with the quoted percentages is that we have no way of easily determining if those figures are (1) accurate (they are usually put forth by groups that have an agenda, and yes, the World Health Organization has an agenda!), or (2) clean (comparing apples to apples and not apples to crabapples). Take life expectancy for example. The numbers include murders and automobile accidents. Deaths by these factors do not necessarily reflect on the nation's health care system. Murders in the US are much higher than in the UK, for instance. I read one source that said if murders were factored in, Americans would have the highest life expectancy of the industrialized world. Or take infant mortality. In the US, the infant mortality rate includes those babies who are born to drug addicts and illegal aliens. I suspect that the UK (or even Canada) has much less of an illegal immigrant problem than we do. So statistics, as they say, can lie. Not that they always do, but we need to consider them properly and not just throw numbers around unqualified as though they prove our point.

With such a divisive issue, tempers are sure to flare, as we have seen. But the US Congress seems poised to pass some sort of health care reform. No doubt it will be quite the conglomeration of compromise and will probably please very few people. After all is said and done, caring for people will continue to be the main thing. How to pay for it is another matter altogether.

Abortion “Rights”

I am going to try and write more blog entries than just my local church newsletter articles! So, here goes… wading into controversial waters!

My abortion position changed when Cyndy and I experienced the first of seven miscarriages. There isn't any way to convince me that when the baby died that it was "only" a piece of organic matter. The loss we felt was real. Yes, we felt the loss of a life full of potential, but we also felt the loss of actual life. One of our children was born alive, only to live for three hours outside the womb. We had Joshua Howard Haworth (7/12/87) baptized so that he would "know" a family and a faith. Our district superintendent, Rev. Don Locher, assured us that we didn't HAVE to have him baptized (United Methodists don't believe that unbaptized babies go to hell!). But it wasn't about that. It was about having our son know, even for a brief moment, that he was loved and that he was a part of our family. Each Christmas we still hang an ornament with Joshua's name on it.

I have performed funeral services for babies that have died in utero and felt the extreme grief of the family. They were not grieving the loss of a mass of flesh, but a member of their family. Think of it. Why perform a funeral for a mass of organic matter? An unborn baby is not a tumor.

Abortions are performed all too often in the world, and all too often simply for the convenience of the mother and/or father. In truly life-threatening situations, I think there should be some grace. But ALL abortions are life and death decisions for the baby.

Don't talk to me about injustice in the world until you are ready to acknowledge that abortion involves one of the greatest injustices of all: the valuing of one strong life (and its preferences) over another weaker one.

As the adoptive father of three, I can say without a smidgen of doubt that adoption is a FAR more compassionate option for most "unwanted pregnancies" than abortion. And since compassion seems to be the value du jour for liberals/progressives, I don't understand their support for abortion "rights."

Financial Crisis and the Church

Friends, I write this with a heavy heart because I know, as your pastor, how this will affect you. Our church is facing a serious financial challenge as we enter the final third of the year. I am calling the entire church to be in prayer about this, seeking guidance from the Lord and wisdom.

At the beginning of the year we passed a budget in our special Church Conference (every member invited to attend and vote) that included a line item called "Faith Income." That line was set at over $35,000 in order to "balance" the budget. Unfortunately, now that we are in August, not very much has been done to address that income line. Only something over $2000 has come in to be applied to that "Faith Income" line.

Our congregational giving is doing pretty well. We stand at 95% of budget in that area, so you are all to be congratulated on that! Even in these tough financial times, your faithfulness in giving is outstanding! But since we have not had a functioning Finance Committee (because no one has stepped up to be the Committee Chairperson), we have not conducted any major fund raisers to try and address the needed additional income. Our expenses have been right on budget. But our income has not. Currently our arrears in income correspond almost exactly to the deficit in that "Faith Income" line item. To put that in black and white, we are behind our budget in income by about $18,500.

Thankfully we have funds on account so that we can keep our bills paid and obligations met. But, obviously, we cannot continue in this direction if we hope to remain solvent. Your Board of Trustees and Church Council are doing what they can to address this issue, but we need more than just these groups working on it. We need all the members of the church family to consider ways to address the problem. If we cannot find a way to "stop the bleeding" we may have to make some serious and deep cuts in the budget next year, possibly even having to cut staff in order to balance our budget. I know that no one wants to do that, but it is a possibility. There is even the possibility that we might have to drop down to a part time pastor if we can't find other ways to balance the budget.

So please hold this issue in prayer. I'm asking all CUMC members and friends to earnestly seek the Lord in this matter. We need His guidance and wisdom. If you hear anything from the Lord, please communicate with Pastor Glen, Church Council Chairperson Mac Brazelton, Lay Leader Frank Cookingham or Trustee President Mike Proffitt. And come to church on September 13^th as we go to our knees together as a congregation in a "Concert of Prayer" on this and other matters.

Thank you for your faithfulness!

Blessings,

Pastor Glen